Wednesday, May 18, 2011
what was you need is not you want.
I am trying to look back how I were before...
from trashy, classy and now I don't know where I am going but as how I look back I always see how far I am going.
It has been a great course of how bumpy it was and I couldn't tell how were everything went but one thing I am sure, I learned and learning as they pass by.
I turn the pages and I laugh, I cry and hiding from my pillow from being ashamed of my self. It is surely funny.
I caught myself being on blank pages thinking from somewhere deep inside.
The pain, the joy and embarrassing times and as I look at this page, which has fears, hopes and full of passion to look forward for tomorrow.
I wasn't imagining, sadly it is true but I am happy I wasn't dreaming after all.
I must say I haven't been a good boy.
I am more being a naughty one but he has always strive to get up after a fall.
Here I am in front of you.
Ready to face the challenges that I might face (1)
If they only knew how my eyes sparks when I see you before, I hope our friend, which is my ex that you really knew, won't read this, I would be on red face and waving my white flag and say I know you caught me staring.
It was a crazy route of how we met and asking myself aren't you my boyfriend, I am just teasing.
Yeah I called 911 to rescue my from heart attack from making this heart bigger every time I don't talk and wishing to say, "why just now... I have been waiting".
It started from a kiss turned to soul feeding and turned to where we are from now.
I didn't imagine how it really started and been stated by fate but our lips turned to touch and lingers to each other.
God I thank alcohol for being drunk that time and made me float like a smoke freely lingers to my skin as how I touch yours.
I admit I was doubtful but you shun my hands as you put it into my eyes that should be blinded and be guided by your scent that pushes me everyday.
Crazy and cranky.
sweet and salty.
I always asked you from last year's and didn't saw it coming that you were there all along... six years and counting.
You tied my hands from the back and now promising not to backtrack for because you were shining above the rest and never imagined you were coming from my side and been there in front of me all this time.
Remember how we tease each other that we were mumbling on the side and said " ehem as if we are close", funny isn't it how it twisted.
til' that time came that my eyes wasn't crying but my soul's bleeding you stand by me and the words "okay lang yan, labas mo lang".
I wasn't aware it somehow started there... another story of a little lad trusting his head again as it leans to another man.
Movie it was and I was shaky of being there and came late but you stood there and waited. After couple of drinks after that night, I really wish to touch my hand to your face and say you are more than wonderful.
Then next is being in the same address as yours, funny isn't it as i lay my fingers to the pen and stroking my tax pay to your doorstep. Ha ha, and now I am really laughing.
Then the patience was there again and giving a dainty food on the table of a fast food chain that I can't really resist.
Then the next time was the question that I don't want to hear but wishing to be spoken by your lips.... "what are we?". I swear I was in my blushed cheeks.
Then the challenge of how we keep our clique wonder what was with us as we wander every town while holding hands to each other and sing til' the world ends.
Then I finally broke my rule as you patiently waiting to my affirmation.
I was like at awe and a bit teary as I say Yes to you.
I admit I can't really help it.
It was never boring to be with you. I always thought of losing my thoughts being shared by a tasteful conversation... it never did even if I stop talking it kept coming and as I stop you talk and bite my lips and wanting to tell "you are more than smart to me".
As I almost forget the day we officially noted our day and wanting to surprise you, you left me at awe as you pick up the chocolate cake and said "happy first month". You didn't know how you make me feel happy and contented.
I love you and will stop writing for now...
(1) You are a challenge that I will keep as long as you wish to stay and will never ever wish you to leave.
I love you might be not enough for as I close this chapter of me for now... I will open another day with you again and will kiss another day as it comes pouring.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
There comes a time that a little boy no more becomes a kid again.
It pains to say that I have been dumb founded by being so kind and not seeing the other side of it.
They say keep it low but sometimes I want to burst the feeling of sarcasm, anger and pain. All I did was shivering to the side. vented out but it seems to be as shallow as it gets.
Sometimes I wonder, is being good means bad to other people?
I sometimes regret what I did, but I think I did the right thing.
I love my job and it pays me well. I feel like crying but it is unnecessary to do so.
Then comes taps on your shoulder saying, Alvin is a lovable boy.
It made me smile that time. What made me more smile is "Let's eat after work, tell it to me". I smiled and realized, it pays to be good. It gives you more blessings.
I wish to the universe that all the pain that I have right now will be at ease.
All the sufferings will be lifted.
It will be at peace.
As you see the glimpse, the other side is a smiling nymph.
As she prays for you and you pray together it will be a bliss.
Thank you even if you can't or don't read this.
Patience is your virtue.
and for readers I'll keep you updated from now on :)